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On Finding God

August 20, 2012

God is everything. He created the entire universe: the earth, the sun, the moon, all the planets that circle the sun, all the millions of stars we see in the night sky, as well as the billions of galaxies. God makes the energy that powers all the atoms that form together to  make all the molecules that, in turn make up all of the objects that fills the infinite space that we see everywhere—God is a big deal. There is no getting away from that which we call God. The conundrum of the life we are all born to is that this God we are told to believe in isn’t readily apparent. The many preachers who claim that God exists tell us that we must have “faith” that God does exist and that one day when we leave this world, particularly if we live a righteous life, we will come face-to-face with our Creator. Yet, we all are tethered to this life by all the people and familiar things that are around us, and we sometimes question why this God that we cannot see has given us life in the first place.

From a very early age, I wanted to have a deep relationship with that being responsible for all the beauty I was seeing in the world and had given me the opportunity to experience it all. The Catholic tradition my family had loosely followed while I was growing up had peeked my curiosity about the things considered “a mystery” beyond that we are able to seek. Was there a God “out there” that Created me? Regrettably, the Church never answers this question. They say God does exist, and that He sent his Son… The usual answer. Exactly what it all meant—we go live in Heaven after we leave this earth. This was never a satisfactory answer for me. How do I transform my life?

Answers to my annoying questions would silently come to me toward the end of my 20s. There are many ways that people celebrate God. Many follow their own traditions that were handed down to them through many generations. Most seem to be satisfied that they follow a particular tradition and it helps them to remain stable in this world, celebrating God with their current families. They don’t feel they need to know the answers behind the “mysteries” of this world. They know in their heart that their God loves them and that they are living to the best of their abilities. Issues in my life, however, had caused me to question my very existence and question why God had given me the set of difficulties I wound up carrying—the learning disabilities. Why I had been handed the problems regarding reading and remembering information.

In my late 20s, I learned how to let go of the restlessness and worry and just let my mind be. It was time for me to take the reins of my 5 senses and to lead them in more constructive pastures. By letting go of the mundane world outside I would find a peace that was beyond words. I was sitting in a comfortable chair. I would be sitting in my quiet room, or other familiar place, but the experience was something completely new. I could no longer feel my limbs. It was like they had floated away. My back and my chest were no longer attached to me. I was free floating in a sea of bliss. My breath had slowed down substantially. I was now breathing easily and stress free. The only thing to do now is to continue sitting, letting my body absorb this inviting peace, and forget the world for a while. This was meditation. The relaxing of the body and the mind was only stage one. After that, I can think about the marvels of spirit. At that point, exactly why God existed mattered very little. It was now apparent He did exist and the spirit was all around me. Now, instead of wishing God was closer to me, I could simply whisper into His ear that I was aware of His present and that I would forever hold Him close to me.

The beauty of it all was that I could go into this meditation at any time, preferably twice a day—morning and evening—and I can continue to experience that blissful state. It only takes a short time to experience that peace. Maybe a week or two. Meditation itself doesn’t need to replace other religious traditions some people may follow. It is a separate practice designed for the individual to have a thorough experience that God is real. I, personally, have not returned to my Catholic heritage. To me, God is omnipresent and omniscient. He can’t be confined to one vehicle of expression. We must bring Him into our daily lives, which I always try to do. The spiritual road is a tough one to follow. Sometimes, I believe I a following rightly, and then other times I wonder if I am following at all. The meditation continues to bring me back and ensure me of the right path to follow.  The idea is to make an honest attempt every day.


Spirit: It is a real thing.

July 28, 2012

The power of the Spirit is alive and well. When I say Spirit, I’m talking about God, the Almighty, the Creator of the Heavens and the Earth. It is absolutely real, and there are practical ways for everyone to learn to bring God into our personal lives. If I had somewhat (privately) denied the existence of the Spirit in the past, that is no longer the case. The concept of God is a conundrum for us humans. We all come to understand the Creator through whatever religion the family we are born to. Whatever the faith we happen to be closest to, well that needs to be the one are to follow. That is the only true religion, since that’s the family we grew up in. It is only through personal experience, though, that individuals can know, with certainty that God is real.

I happened to grow up in a family that followed the Catholic faith. Once a week, my family and I would travel to the big old stone church a couple of miles away to sit in this extremely boring room filled with metal folding chairs with little fold out pads in the back for people to kneel on. Occasionally, we would have mass in the big old stone church. That was cool. The rest of the time we were directed to sit in the auditorium (the room with all the metal folding chairs). The mass was the most boring hour I would need to spend per week. I concluded that thought when I was 5 years-old and I was still concluding that thought when was 25. There had to be a better way to celebrate the Resurrection of Christ.

In my adult life, I have discovered the benefits of meditation. Meditation is a completely different experience from what the West understands about understanding God (or religion). Instead of reading some passages in the Scriptures or listening to a priest or other minister talking about the benefits of people accepting Christ as their Lord and Savior, the Seeker is able to directly experience the true power of Spirit. It doesn’t just exist “up there, somewhere”, but right here where we sit. In fact, the Spirit permeates everything in the world and if we would only learn to quiet our restless minds and bodies, we would find the power of God smacking us in the face. It is right in front of us. As we are able to identify with that we call God (should the seeker willing to identify it as God or as some outer quality of spirit), we would find our minds to be opened to the nature of God in its totality. God isn’t some being that “lives” somewhere in the clouds we can only access after we pass from this earth. God (the Spirit) is the very essence of everything that we are.

I have been practicing meditation for over 20 years, but only coming to understand this now. When we find the Spirit, it becomes something tangible, something we can bring into our lives. This is a very big subject to completely write about here. I would urge anybody reading these words to find a meditation technique they find agreeable and just practice. Just sit for a few minutes at first, but make it a practice to learn to quiet the mind and the body. Yoga is a good practice to learn to control the body so that the person can learn to quiet the mind. Meditation is the word. I will definitely write more about this soon.

Life Is Good, No Matter What

June 26, 2012

Things are tough for me. I won’t lie about that. I’ve been trying to paint a positive picture at this blog by saying ADD/ADHD is only a set of symptoms that get in the way of the strive for success of some people and not necessarily the end to the life we may want. The truth is that I have been living on the edge of poverty for about the last 5 years, coming close to being homeless several times. Currently, I am living on $200 a week unemployment payments which are scheduled to keep me alive until the end of 2012. (I am reading that the great State of New York is considering reducing the number of weeks we can collect money, so it could be shorter than the end of the week. The government needs that money for their pet projects.) I don’t like being unemployed and collecting survival money. I told myself I will not beg on the streets for pocket change like I see people doing every day. I would never have believed, back in my 20s, that I would be living in this sad state I now find myself in: I live alone in a rented bedroom in the basement of a friend, I have no health insurance, no spouse, no children, no car, no career, and I have only a  few friends that I know from the various churches that I trade off attending. Some people I know claim I am being too negative listing all the things I don’t have. Had I not been spiritually astute, my material deficits would be more difficult to accept. Here I am merely listing the deficits I am too familiar with—not placing a value judgment whether it is good or bad; I don’t have them. Hard to say anything else about it other than–I just don’t have them. The point is that I have chosen to remain happy and good-natured even though I lack these things. My life mirrors the story of Job in the Bible.

It was towards the end of my 20s that I managed to find God in the midst of all the chaos that entertained me during that time. I didn’t find Him or Her in the manner I had expected. I had grown up Catholic, as I had stated in previous articles at this blog. I still had considered myself a Christian, which I still consider myself to be today. I had prayed deeply over the previous decade (the 1980s)for answers to the puzzle that had no solution. The solution which literally just came to me was to learn to meditate. In fact, I was involved with a Christian young adult group where a man who taught and wrote about meditation gave a talk. After I had discovered the person who was to become my guru, suddenly I was contemplating knew ways of looking at life. These would help me to let go of the material values that many in society believe to be sacred. It was like the guru (having passed on in 1952) had been secretly watching me for some time, revealing himself to me at such a pivotal moment. It was through this path, called Self-Realization, that I had come to understand the true nature of God and specifically how he or she is able to operate within the lives of human beings. This life is an illusion. Don’t look to world possessions for the purpose of providing lasting happiness. Happiness is to be found in the spirit, which is within all of us and permeates the entire universe. Find God through meditation and we will find our lasting happiness. Finding lasting peace within ourselves, we can better witness the beauty of the world which is all around us, but we are otherwise too busy to notice. All around us is the backdrop of the natural world of the bright golden sunlight, the green trees and fields, and the beautiful blue skies. When we are outside the cool fresh air fills our lungs. Along with nature are the many birds that inhabit neighborhoods, filling the day with song. The earth is alive and well; where are we? Life goes on all around us but people don’t notice because they are consumed with their personal problems.  When my life becomes overbearing and I find no way out of a situation that leads to stress, I always try to notice the nature that is around me and I can feel peaceful again. I think back to the teachings of Jesus when he showed how the birds and other animals seem to get on so well with so much less than what humans are given. The meditation I have practiced for over 20 years have taught me the same lessons—that life will continue on even if I don’t have the career I want or the king of house I would like to have.

Looking back at my day-to-day existence, I cannot say with certainty what my future holds. I am aware the economy could be headed for another recession before people start heading back to work. That only means it will be extra hard for persons in my situation to even find meager work. People are telling me to “just take anything for now”, but I’m not sure if even “anything” is available. I keep praying something will eventually come along. For now, I am forced to wait—and write. Whatever the future, I know it will be for me; otherwise I wouldn’t be taking the opportunity. Also, I will remember to be happy always.

Most ADHD People Can Find Wholeness

June 23, 2012

My intent in writing this blog is to discuss the disability called Attention Deficit Disorder (ADD)  which widely exists in our modern society, that largely goes unnoticed by the majority of people who don’t have it. It is not apparent how widespread ADD is in society, but it seems like it is spreading as the population expands. Hardly a time goes by when someone doesn’t tell me that they, one or more of their kids, their spouse, or a sibling has ADD.  The things that I write here are not so much about me, but about ways in which people who have been cursed by problems initiated by this disability can learn to live constructive lives. Instead of presenting the subject in the usual manner of writing about the daily mundane topics about medications or the various little tricks people can do to make their lives run more easily, I am looking at the “bigger picture” and saying that one of the contributing factors of ADD is the refusal of people in society to learn to make the most out of what they are given. We are all given very good brains that can perform miraculous feats, yet we are content with using, what amounts to, super mega computers to perform simple arithmetic. Some in society would claim I am looking for a utopian society or I am prying into other people’s lives trying to manipulate them. I am only making an observation and stating the obvious. In my own life, I have learned to “reprogram” how I use my brain to do more of the things I want to do, like read more effectively or communicate more clearly. These are approachable goals once we understand how our minds work. Regardless, I have received my share of criticisms about not accepting myself as I was before or wanting to reap “unrealistic” wishes to come true. Some have suggested it was based on negative views of myself for not accepting myself as I was before and wanting to change something about me. People are constantly changing their appearance, their behaviors, their physique, and the way they dress. I have had deficiencies in my communication skills when I was in my early 20s. I wanted to have more friends, but I couldn’t have more friends until I learn to communicate more effectively, where people could understand me better and want to spend more time talking with me. Why not work to improve this if I have the desire?

I have had a history of ADD-like symptoms and dyslexic-related symptoms. I had been tested for dyslexia when I was in the 5th grade. It was ruled out, but I can attest to much sluggishness in my reading abilities that hound me to this day. Perhaps, the reasons are all related to ADD, but what difference does it make now?  It is in the last 5 years that I am happy with the time I spend reading a book. I have read about 2 dozen books in the last couple of years. If I didn’t need to work, I would be spending a majority of my time reading. I still enjoy reading books made out of paper, with covers and paper pages in the middle. No Kindles or Nooks here, yet. After reading, the next source of frustration for me was (and still is) in the area of memory. There is the day-to-day forgetfulness comprising of dozens of activities throughout the day. Then there is the long-term forgetfulness of things I made efforts to learn, yet fade into nothingness. People tell me I am being too hard on myself when I complain that I forget things too much. People will tell me that they forget things all the time, but I’m still led to believe I do it much more, and with more frequency than others. Over time, I still believe things will get better about the way I mentally process information. I believe my memory will continue to get better.  Exactly how long it will take to get to that level of competence is hard to say. It could be another year or so.

I believe there are other dimensions to our minds most people are unaware of. Practices like meditation can help reveal these. Meditation can teach a person to directly focus upon their inner mind. Then when we want to introduce new ways of thinking, the ego’s urge to resist will be quieter. I believe people, even people with ADD, can bring subtle changes to the way they think, that can help pave the way to significant lasting changes in the future. The primary ingredient to this happening is for the person to believe.

The Call For Innovation

June 20, 2012

The last 30 years of my life, beginning with the end of my high school years, has been a time of exploration. I had ended high school upon some sour notes. I had barely finished with passing grades. For a time, I wasn’t certain I was going to finish. High school course work in Southern California were geared around being able to succeed while spending most of one’s time at the beach, partying with friends, consuming a variety of “foreign substances”—just having lots of fun. I didn’t do any of those things. I would spend double time studying for extra simple classes, not having much of the fun other students were having acting like Californians. Still, the uncertainty of finishing my classes hung over my head like a guillotine blade those last six months. After I graduated, I had to find some way of learning better. I didn’t know what I would do for work if college wasn’t in my future. I really didn’t know what my options were. Perhaps I should have spoken to someone or ask the parents of what I should do. They would have suggested that I start working at a local store, but that even seemed like a monumental task, both getting the job and then performing well at it.

I did substantially improve my reading abilities after this a couple of years. This allowed me to learn some new things about the world that previously were shrouded in mystery. There would be two societies I would learn about that would help shape my thinking about myself and the world: I was able to learn about the Ancient Greek Civilization, after taking a college history class. We’d learn about Ancient Greece: peoples called Minoan and Mycenaean who resided on the island of Crete almost 5000 BCE, around the time writing was being discovered in the West. Then we’d learned about later times in Athens, when philosophers named Socrates, Plato, and Aristotle lived. It was around that era that people in society began questioning phenomena in the world and what things meant. It was no longer enough for them to say that the gods created everything. One of our assignments for the class was to read the book called The Last Days of Socrates and write a small paper on it. This is a small book that comprises four of Plato’s dialogues—Euthyphro, the Apology, Crito, and Phaedo. Not more than a few months earlier, attempting to read such a book would have made me dizzy and nauseous. By the time I was required to read this book, I would be able to effortlessly read the four chapters with reasonable understanding. My thorough enjoyment of this book influenced me to read other works by Plato and other Greek classics on my own. The writings of Plato years later helped me to think of everything in terms of a process. I would hear or read things, but what did things mean? Sometimes I would annoy people if they told me something, but then I would turn the topic around to the speaker and ask him or her questions. After some further years, I would learn to question my own words I would be using to explain something. Was I making sense to myself? This would lead me to focusing on specific words better. I would be able to remember things better. It turned out to be a useful method of communicating. .

Western philosophy is a good instrument for examining phenomena within the physical world. The inner world required something completely different: the skill of mentally peering into my own mind and feeling comfortable with what was there. I grew up a devout Catholic, deeply wanting to have a personal relationship with God. It was towards my later 20s that the philosophies of India slowly crept into my life. (I had written about meditation at length in an earlier post). Though I believe meditation to be an extremely important spiritual practice, it is only a part of what the East has to offer. Along with that are the philosophies that go back thousands of years, well into what is called the Vedic period of Indian history. In general, Eastern Philosophy claims that these lives we find ourselves attached to—our homes, our jobs, our families, and even the very bodies that we identify ourselves to be—are primarily illusions. Everything is compared to a dream, created by God. On one level the things in our lives (the same things just mentioned) are very important. In the ultimate sense, though, things are just things. They have no real value and everything we can see and touch will at one point cease to exist at all. As an example, we can imagine winning millions of dollars in the Lottery. The winner would instantly become happy, but does the millions of pieces of paper themselves provide the happiness? No, it is the value that the money provides that provides the happiness. The teachings of the East are that all things in life are only temporal and provide no real happiness.  In the ultimate sense, we are spiritual beings. Our true source of happiness originates from something that is beyond the physical plane.  That is why people are able to meditate, sit for hours and feel perfectly at peace. In my own life, I have demonstrated that I don’t need to have most of the things that many people have—careers, homes, families—and I can still find happiness. I still want to have a career and I would like to have a partner in my life, but I know if these things don’t happen I will remain ok.

I have written in my essay called Meditation that the Indian saint, Paramahansa Yogananda, whisked into my life towards my later 20s. I feel as though it is almost a miracle he came into my life at that time, because his philosophies acted as a shield against many of the heartaches I would have experienced when I was in the prime of my life. I could be extremely bitter at this point—if I would have survived these many years witnessing failure after failure. I sometimes feel as though my life was stolen from me. From the earliest age, I entertained dreams of traveling the world, be an artist, take advanced classes, read hundreds of books, and do anything else creative. I never dreamt about being rich or having a lot of things, though. It was always about doing instead of having. Also from an early age, I deeply wanted to believe in a God or some spiritual realm to our existence. There are things that have happened in my life that could only be explained by the existence of spirit. I had grown up a Catholic, which I have stated elsewhere.  I always had the innate feeling that God existed. To me, however, the Biblical stories or the Church teachings never adequately explained how God is related to us and how we humans should be living. During my high school years, I was heavily involved with the church, being involved with a youth group, praying regularly, joining the youth group choir, and living as best that I could. Despite all of this, God seemed so very far removed from my life, and my disabilities continued to hand me insurmountable difficulties. With the aid of both Eastern and Western Philosophies, I was given an entirely new perspective of how the universe works, and how God fits into everything.

These lives we are given are gifts. We are all treated to the experience of this wonderful world we mysteriously became conscious of one day within our personal histories.  It is true that some people enter the world and suddenly find unfavorable situations—poverty, gangs, national turmoil, and a dysfunctional family. But for many, the world is a place waiting to be explored by its inhabitants. In order for people to become creative, they need to know who they are, know their capabilities, and know how to make the most of their abilities. We all now live in a technically advanced society because of the many visionaries that have lived before us. They had decided long ago that humanity no longer wanted to live in caves. The current economic slowdown is a call for more persons to take the initiative and create something new, a new kind of automobile, a better economic system for everyone, a new kind of computer, a better way of doing things. We definitely need new leadership throughout government. The possibilities are endless, though not all creativity needs to be on such a grand scale. Rational thought, as taught by the Ancient Greeks, and deep contemplation, as originated by the people in India, are the tools that will enable humanity to prosper.

Life in Limbo

June 16, 2012

Waiting and waiting. Waiting for what? My life is currently in a state of limbo. I don’t want to be here. I’m going to take up writing again so that I don’t need to continually stare at blank walls. Well, I don’t really stare at blank walls. I do have a habit of staring at my clunky computer screen reading the latest headlines on or Drudge and staying up until the wee hours of the night. That is one of the reasons I like writing so much—because I can keep writing, which is a perfect activity to do into the wee hours of the night. I have stopped writing for a while because I sometime find myself at a loss of something interesting to say. I find if I walk away from it for a while and then return some month later, the good things I want to say will show up in my brain. So, here I am back again writing in my blog. I’m happy.

My main problem right now is that  have been unemployed since last October and I don’t see myself working in a “regular job” again unless I get some assistance getting the job. I don’t expect whoever is to assist me to get the job for me, but to maybe help me get some job leads, to help me prepare for an interview, or to assist in some other fashion. I have just been accepted for services with an organization called VESID. They are a state-run agency that operated in the State of New York. Their purpose for existing is to assist persons with all kinds of disabilities to become employed. I have been waiting about 4 months just to meet with a counselor. Even after being accepted for services, I now need to wait to hear from another organization, employed by VESID, to evaluate my talents. I am ready to start. I’ve already waited two weeks to be contacted by them. How much longer I need to wait my job counselor cannot tell me, but she keeps telling me to be patient. I was hoping I could be working during the summer months so that, perhaps, I would be able to be working by the fall. I’m sure I will be involved with this other organization soon. In the meantime I need to remain patient and busy. Maybe writing will help entertain me during these encroaching hot months.

I have a feeling that any work I get in the future will be laborious and a waste of good brain cells. It will be a retail sales job like the ones I did during my 20s.I understand the US economy continues to chug along; and now I am hearing on the news we could be seeing another dip in the approaching months. If I should get a low intelligent, low paying job at a local discount store, I should embrace it and be thankful to the gods in our government that I am able to pay my bills. I fully understand how special and thankful I should feel should I get that opportunity. I am being told by other persons who are ADD that I am being lazy by not working harder to become employed. Again, I do not like sitting around and staring at my laptop for many hours. I want to be productive in society. It has always been my dream—whatever the work may be. I am also being told by people at the unemployment offices that I want to make sure that I find work “that will stick”. It shouldn’t be just a sustenance job that I will leave as soon as the right opportunity comes along. It should be something I will want to put my entire being into.

This new potential opportunity to work retail in a local discount store won’t be the ideal job. It will be a job I can go to every day and serve the customers the best I can, get them the discounts they are looking for as they enter the store. Perhaps the writing I do, and the many books that I now read, will serve as my creative outlets. I would also like my writings to be useful to others who find themselves stuck with ADHD or dyslexia or some other disability holding them up from living their dreams. Technologies are allowing more people to show their creativity. Creativity flows like an energy that is buried within all persons. It is a product of the intellect. The intellect is continually working to express itself. Creativity must be encouraged from the earliest age. Perhaps all persons will fail to demonstrate the same level of creativity. But I believe creativity is like a muscle that can improve with use. Why deny people the ability to pursue their dreams? There is nothing wrong with trying, as long as people remain practical in their pursuits. I am one who will encourage to pursue whatever dream that they desire.


March 13, 2012

I have ADD. I have been ADD my entire life, but only realized it was an actual disability, with a name, for about 16 years—since my mid-30s. Until then it was an invisible hand creating obstacles in the pursuit of relatively easy tasks. There were many things I wanted to learn, see, and do back in the days before school—receiving heavy influences from the family I grew up and the quiet community of a New York City suburb. The first thing I wanted to do was read. Mom took us to the public library every couple of weeks. I would pick out all the books I was going to read once I was able to. At an early age, I wanted to travel the world, learn about different cultures, learn different languages, and simply read book after book after book. Despite my excitement to anticipating the world beyond me, school and learning was to become drudgery. I couldn’t read very well, I’d get lost doing the assignments during the day; I felt like I was going nowhere. I managed to get by doing whatever it took for me to advance to the next grade until I finally was able to jump into middle school. There I would do a little better, but my reading ability remained slow. Even when I would tackle reading projects on my own, I would derive little pleasure at all reading.

To my disappointment these deficiencies would follow me up into my high school years. My family and I had relocated several times until we had finally settled on Southern California. It was there with the constant warm sunshine and the beautiful environment I thought I would be able to shake those problems from my life. Instead, it would follow me like a curse. Academically, I would stumble and fumble about. I then learned my deficiencies entailed more than academics. I found myself having significant problems engaging in even casual conversations with people. I wasn’t sure if the problem was me or California. I didn’t have any friends. I wound up being alone all the time. It was becoming as though I was invisible. I knew there was something wrong going on with me. On one level I was reasonably intelligent. When it came time to communicating with an intelligent older adult, I seemed to do ok. So what was the problem?

I did manage to squeak out of high school, though I had my doubts at the time. My one mission in my life was to figure out why I wasn’t learning correctly. I still had issues with reading. Why was that the case? I would get some answers along the way and manage to heighten my awareness to the world around me. I wanted to get a college degree. I found that I still had deficiencies in regards to learning. I would study incessantly for classes—history, accounting, economics, biology, mathematics, etc.—and still get low to failing grades. I still didn’t know about ADD by then, but I was beginning to seriously believe there was something wrong with how my brain was functioning. This was not “normal” as far as I was concerned.

Now, many years later, I know it was the invisible hand of ADD continuously tripping me up all along. Even after I knew ADD was the culprit, it was still negatively affecting me. Now instead of studies, writing reports, or studying for a exam, I am at a loss as to what to do for employment. I am now almost 50 and unable to become employed. That is partly because of the current sagging economy, but also because of my spotty work history. I was so consumed with getting a college degree back in my 20s. I didn’t know what to do that would enable me to become employed. Everyone was telling me I needed some kind of 4-year college degree if I wanted to do something substantial career wise. It was worth my time to keep pushing until I had some kind of credential behind me. All I had at that point was my certificate for my Associates Degree in Liberal Studies, which was basically nothing.

What has frustrated me even more is I am meeting many people who have ADD who had been able to complete their education and started a career in which they still worked. They seem to be living a functional life with a family. I seem to have been left behind in just about everything. These people have other pressing issues within their lives—they can’t keep themselves organized, they have marital problems, they have passes their ADD onto their children. Other people on ADD websites that I frequent say they have experience similar to what I had experienced in terms of learning and reading deficiencies. The fact is there are different forms of ADD that never seems to be mentioned in the media. Some people are hyperactive and can’t sit still for more than half a minute. Others can’t seem to get themselves organized. Their desks are normally crammed with piles of paper everywhere. Still other people tend to get in trouble with the law often. They act on inpulse like steal things. My form of ADD is called Inattentive ADD. I have difficult times keeping the information I learn straight in my mind; therefore remembering things or reading words clearly is difficult. I can spend hours learning something, but retaining very little. Therefore what I attempt to learn fades into nothingness over time, as though I never learned it in the first place.

Now, after many years of struggling to find employment, I struggle for basic survival.  There are many limitations to the jobs I can do now. I suppose I can learn to “dance around” the gaping holes of 3 – 4 years of unemployment on my pathetic-looking  resume, but then I need perform well once I have the job. I’m tired of needing to resort to working low-paying jobs. Instead, I believe I can be helpful to other persons who are struggling with ADD or anything that is holding them back. I know now that belief plays a big part in how we move forward. We need to start with believing we can have the life we want. By believing, we prepare our minds to accepting new stimuli that will enable it to find the environments that will enable us to get what we want. It is that simple, even though what I just wrote sounds confusing.